The distance from Colorado to Maine is not far enough to escape the memories.
The time I’ve been away is not long enough to heal the pain.
I left Colorado, determined to discover who I am outside of my grief, but I fell apart along the way.
I’m lost again.
When Jude follows me, I can’t turn him away. But I can’t let him in, either.
Not all the way.
I know when he finds out my secret, the one I keep hidden in the darkest part of my heart, he’ll leave me.
Like I was before.
I didn’t want to let go of him for a while. Holding him had been the most peaceful I’d felt in months—it practically radiated from him. “You’re actually here,” I said into his flannel shirt.
“Mhm,” he said into my hair.
“Don’t let go just yet,” I whispered, rubbing my face over his shirt.
I’m not sure how long we stood there, just holding one another. His breath was warm on the top of my head and I could hear each beat of his heart against my ear, where it was pressed against his chest.
I was the first to pull back, because I wanted to look up into his face. His beautiful, tranquil face. The smile on it caused one to reflect on mine too. He was perfect. A word I didn’t like, because of the expectations it required. But that’s what he was.
“You look so different,” he said, brushing a thumb along my cheek. I took a quiet delight in that, hoping he’d notice how much weight I’d lost since he had seen me last.
“I’ve lost weight.”
But he didn’t look pleased. In fact, he looked concerned. “Are you okay?”
I pulled away from him just a little, feeling disappointment. “Of course, I’m great. And you’re here.”
“I am.” But something had changed in his expression as he searched me over.
“Let me show you around,” I said, changing the subject.
We hadn’t kissed. It was all I could think about.
I am a wife to one and a mom to two humans and one cat. I have a deep and abiding love for nachos – especially the kind with the liquid cheese, like from Taco Bell (sorry). I run on less than four hours of sleep thanks to copious amounts of Diet Coke. (Note: this paragraph is not sponsored by anyone except my hungry stomach.)
As a Navy brat, I grew up all over the country, from California, up the east coast from Florida to New England and Colorado. I currently live in Idaho, where we have lots of potatoes and windmills.
I write character-driven New Adult novels, heavy on the emotional connection. I LOVE love. I love writing about broken characters who find their soul mates.